Back Seat Anecdotes
by fool.0
Summary: We," Kakashi gestured magnanimously, "are going on a road trip."
1. Part One

I have an unhealthy obsession with Kakashi, so I figured I should cope somehow. This story barely has a substantial plot-line (BECAUSE PLOTS ARE FOR LOSERS, THAT'S WHY) and at the end of it, Sasuke and Naruto end up in each others arms. Beds. Same thing. Please, enjoy. That's the whole point of this.

**Update (July 6, 2008)**: I rearranged and consolidated the chapters so the story isn't so choppy. Now, the entire story is up on fanfic.

--

**Back Seat Anecdotes**

_Part One_

--

"We," I gestured magnanimously, "are going on a road trip."

There was a brief moment of silence, and then Naruto gave out a yell, Sasuke stared, and Sakura raised a perfectly waxed eyebrow.

It wasn't exactly the reaction I was hoping for. I had--after practically going down on my knees in front of Iruka--won them the coveted week-long, fully-paid-for trip that the Hokage awarded one (and only one) genin team. Kurenai probably put a hit out on me already, and I could be fairly certain that Asuma would burn me with one of his cigarettes in the near future.

But then again, who cares what anybody thought. I wanted a vacation, and I had been told that I was not to go anywhere without my subordinates. I wrinkled my nose in disgust when I realized that all my plans to have some fun nightly activities--Iruka wouldn't slip them into the expense sheet--were thrown out the window without any consideration for my mental well-being.

"Hey, hey. Where are we going? Huh? Huh? Where are we going?" Naruto's tenor voice snapped me out of my reverie.

"You'll see."

"Hey, hey. When are we going? Huh? Huh? When are we going?" He piped up again, his enthusiasm for shooting unnecessary questions not phased by the fact that I didn't answer his first assault.

"You'll see."

"Hey, hey. How are we getting there? Huh? Huh? How? How?"

"You'll see."

Sakura looked up at me, her hesitant smile dribbling down her face as her dreams (whatever they were. I could make a pretty accurate guess that it included Sasuke, her and clumsy make-out sessions) were trodden useless by my antics. "You don't have a plan do you, Kakashi-sensei?"

I feigned shock. "Well...you'll see."

Sasuke pinned me with his 'This-better-be-good-and-include-me-and-Naruto-in-a-room-ALONE' glare. I smiled up at him. "You'll see," I repeated though he didn't ask me anything.

His eyebrows changed configuration slightly and he gave me a 'Alone-as-in-a-bed-alone' glare. I nodded.

"Yep. That's part of the deal."

Sakura's head swung back and forth between me and the boy, wondering how I managed to decipher his silent language. I glanced at Naruto to see if he had followed our conversation, but he had a look of complete and utter bafflement on his face which was replaced by that of intense concentration.

"First glare meant something like 'this-is-stupid," he translated. "And Kakashi-sensei said 'you'll see.' So...the second glare must have meant, 'oh-really.' But why did Kakashi-sensei say 'that's part of the deal?" He stopped in his train of thought, was still for another moment, and then, a look of temporary enlightenment crossed his features.

"Oh! I get it! He said it because Sasuke's second glare was 'then it must be really intelligent and related to training.' That's why Kakashi-sensei said 'that's part of the deal.' Cause we're going to train on this vacation."

I took in a deep breath, and attempted to explain to him that I was dangling an offer that said 'Screw One, Screw All' in front of his face, not 'Train And Train.' But all that came out of my oh-so-eloquent mouth was, "You'll see."

--

The seating arrangement was obvious the minute we all looked at the Camry. No doubt, Sakura would refuse with a blush on her face and say that she wouldn't sit with one of the boys. Oh, no, no, no, it would be improper. Naruto and Sasuke would adamantly refuse each other's company, but once I said, 'no buts' Sasuke would shut up and Naruto would follow.

How wrong was I?

Sakura emphasized the fact that she should be sitting in the back with Sasuke in case Naruto attempted to kill him.

Naruto argued that he would rather sit with Sakura than either me or Sasuke, and also that he needed a comfortable sleeping/eating seat.

And Sasuke? His glare was one that obviously translated to 'I-better-be-sitting-with-Naruto-or-I'll-do-bad-things-to-favored-parts-of-your-body.'

I felt a bead of sweat roll down the side of my face.

"Sakura. I need you to sit in the front with me as a navigator. If Naruto sat in the front, we'd get lost. So Sasuke would need to sit in the front in which case you'd have to sit with Naruto." I felt triumphant when I saw Sakura process the information and agree to sit in the front. I glanced at Naruto who huffed angrily, crossing his hands over his chest and stomping around the car into the seat behind the driver's place.

I watched Sasuke's face closely, saw the slight lifting of his lips on one side, and then his face was blank again as he claimed his seat behind Sakura. Sakura and I sat down at the same time, and we buckled our belts before I turned on the ignition.

Behind me, I heard Naruto shift and bit and get more comfortable. Sasuke looked out the window, but I could see that he was attempting to keep himself from staring at Naruto. Sakura looked wistfully over her shoulder at Sasuke before she picked up the driving directions dutifully and read out the first sentence.

And we were off.

The only thing I felt bad about was the fact that I had forgotten to mention to all of them that I already knew the directions by heart.

But they'd live. With only minor injuries inflicted on their virginity.

--

We hit the highway at a steady seventy-miles per hour when Sakura's eyes slowly closed shut and her posture slumped. I reached over and slowly guided her head so that it was resting against the door instead of hanging down loosely.

Naruto was staring at his own reflection in the rear-view mirror with a look of anger and concentration when our eyes met. I smiled at him, but he didn't bother to return the favor. Behind him, the sun was just rising and the cars all gleamed silver and yellow.

As the car sped down the gray tar-seas, movement in the car slowed down. Even Sasuke was beginning to glance at Naruto with fewer intervals and for a longer period of time, while Naruto stared stubbornly outside, refusing to accept Sasuke as company.

We drove on for a while, with me weaving in and out of the rolling masses of cars, one hand on the steering wheel, the other on the gear stick. Until Naruto began to complain.

"I don't want to look at my face."

I raised an eyebrow and met his gaze through the rear-view mirror. I could almost hear Sasuke think, _Why? It's a perfectly fine face_.

I tried to think of something clever to say but all I could come up with was, "Ah."

Naruto huffed. "Every time I look forward, all I see is my face. I don't want to see my face all the time. It's boring."

Sasuke scoffed, and glanced quickly away when Naruto turned to face him. "I want to switch seats with Sasuke," Naruto declared, still glaring vehemently at his archenemy-cum-future-Bed-Buddy.

I considered Naruto's request, and shrugged my shoulders. "It's up to you. We still have at least nine more hours of driving to do."

There was utter silence, and I saw Sakura flutter her eyes open before closing them again and falling asleep. It was good that she was asleep, I could almost see what was going to happen next.

"Sasuke, let's switch."

Aha! And he scores!

The silent boy's eyes were blank as usual, but he nodded, and unbuckled his seat belt, allowing Naruto to climb over him, almost in a straddling position.

They sat there for, oh, I would call it a minute, and then Naruto moved over to where Sasuke had been sitting, a content look on his face. Sasuke looked like he had just run a marathon. His face was slightly flushed, and his eyes were strained on the cars that passed us, while his chest was forcefully moving up and down in a steady pace.

I glanced into the rear-view mirror, catching Sasuke's wary stare. It was the 'Speak-and-you-die' version, and I wrinkled my eyes in understanding. I sighed contentedly: Now I could tell exactly what Sasuke was thinking. Perfect.

Who said that voyeurism wasn't fun?

A few minutes passed, a few long, slow minutes--Sasuke was in the back, purposefully looking away from Naruto, and Naruto glared out the window, full intensity, 1000 Watts again.

Then, "I need to pee." He drawled out the last vowel in a childish manner, despite his seventeen years, and I saw Sasuke's eye twitch a bit before resuming its natural calm.

I remained silent, but Naruto continued. "I need to pee, Kakashi-sensei!"

I winced at his voice, and then sighed, looking at the signs on the highway. "Yes. I heard."

I heard shifting in the back seat, a large scuffling noise, and I saw Sasuke pale a bit. A smile graced my masked features, and I glanced over my shoulder to see that Naruto was beginning to experiment with position that would best allow him to tame his urge. It looked more like he was trying to conceal an erection. But that was just me.

A few more minutes passed and then I checked the back seat again, noticing with a smile that Naruto had decided to spread out his legs so that his thighs were touching Sasuke's.

Well, well, well. A Mini Icha Icha Paradise, Version Homosexual in the back seat.

"Kakashi-sen--"

"He heard you, damnit!" Sasuke slapped away Naruto's thigh, sending a scorching glare towards the blonde. There was a second of anticipated battle, and then all hell broke lose. There was a flurry of activity that I didn't care to follow (I _was_ driving). I vaguely heard two seat-belts cracking, and then the smell of scorched leather.

Then, all was calm.

Too calm.

I glanced over my shoulder, and there was Naruto pinned down by a very, very, very angry Uchiha. Sasuke was pressing a shuriken (from God only knows where) at Naruto's throat while holding down his wrists.

They stared at each other, and then Sasuke shifted, making himself more comfortable in his perch, and Naruto's breathing sped up a bit more.

Why, oh why, is it that everything has some sort of subliminal message pertaining to sex?

"We heard you, dead-last. You don't have to repeat yourself," Sasuke hissed through his teeth. I maneuvered the car to the right-most lane so I could pull off if I needed to. I glanced over my shoulder again, noticing the dark patch where the leather had scorched. Chakra-powered fists were flying, I see.

Naruto huffed, tickling a tuft of Sasuke's hair into motion. "I wasn't talking to you, you stuck up peacock." Their voices were lowered, almost secretive in their insults, as if they didn't want anyone else to overhear their conversation.

"Then why, pray tell," Sasuke lowered his face closer to Naruto, their noses touching. I could see the glint of his teeth from where I sat, and by then, I had completely given up hopes of driving safely. "Why are you being so loud?"

"I choose to be loud, so I am." Defiance, pure and simple.

"You know I hate noise." A threat. It was iced with years of fist-fights and miniature battles. They were on familiar territory.

"I don't care."

I saw the sudden stretch of a rest-area to my right, and slowly pulled off, still listening and, sometimes, glancing over my shoulder.

Another three seconds passed, and then, when I pulled to a stop in an empty parking lot, I heard a huge, ear-deafening crash, the sudden shriek that Sakura emitted, glass splintering, the sound of metal against tar, and a low, throaty growl.

I glanced over my shoulder, feeling my own anger bubbling. And lo and behold, there was a huge, gaping hole in my car's roof.


	2. Part Two

Onwards with the pointless crack.

--

**Back Seat Anecdotes**

_Part Two_

--

Sasuke shifted. Sakura shifted. Naruto shifted.

Suddenly, all those years of me hammering in the importance of _serenity_ and _control_ in the face of enemies bent on _killing them_ trickled away.

"There," I said, pointing at the car. It was parked sullenly to our right, and smoke still drifted guiltily up from the leather inside. "Is a hole. In my car."

"It was Sasuke's fault," Naruto mumbled. I looked at him steadily for a few seconds until he started to shuffle again.

"That wasn't the chidori, was it, Sasuke?" I hissed. There was silence and in the background, I heard the swish of cars moving by us.

"No. I--modified it."

I was impressed, no doubt about it, but this was no time for Sasuke to go inventing new techniques. However impressive his chakra control had gotten over the years, this would not be the time for me to compliment him. _This_, I told myself again, feeling a muscle in my neck clench, _Is not the time._

"There." I tried again. "Is a hole in my car."

"Yes, there is," Sakura mirrored, attempting the Calm And Steady Approach To Calming Down Angry Kakashi.

They didn't understand. They _didn't_ understand. This wasn't my car. This was far from being my car. This was so far from being my car, it might as well have been _Gai's_ car.

Which, I reminded myself, staring at the green exterior of the camry, It was. Gai's car, that is.

"I'm sure it still works," Naruto offered with one of his smiles. I stared blankly at him until the upward curve of his lips dribbled away into a straight line, and then into a _downwards_ curve. He looked positively grief-stricken.

I pointed at the car again. It still hadn't stopped smoking. Sasuke's chidori-modified-attack, I realized, was very, very impressive. He didn't even look as if he'd lifted a finger. _Very impressive._

"_There_," I reiterated. "Is a hole in the _car_." They stared at me. "_How_." I stopped. No, not how, that wasn't the question at hand. "_Why_." No. Not that either. "_Who._" Wait. I already knew that. Sasuke. "_Where_." I grit my teeth. I knew that one as well. In the roof. "When." Shit, I thought. I was becoming incoherent in my anger. When? Just now.

They all continued to stare at me, Sasuke now at eye-level, Naruto a few inches below. Sakura wasn't even looking at me. She had her head bowed, repenting for the sins of her teammates. She was always the level-headed one, I told myself. Don't kill her. Kill the _other_ two.

"_What_," I said, deciding on the question I would finally ask them. "The fuck?"

I turned my gaze on Sasuke. He shifted from one foot to the other. One foot to the other. One foot to the other, until, finally deciding, reached balance. "There is a hole in your car's roof."

Silence. Naruto attempted a meek chuckle. I glanced at him quickly and he shifted back onto the balls of his feet.

"I put it there," Sasuke went on bravely.

"Because I provoked him," Naruto muttered. "Damn it, Sasuke, if you're going to go and be a hero, I can't just _sit_ here and watch you do it." He scowled once at Sasuke and confessed as well. "I made him really, really angry by being loud about peeing." He blinked at my neutral stare. "Which," he added, almost to himself, "I have yet to do."

"I--" Sakura began. "I was asleep. And probably did something to worsen the situation without even knowing that I did."

Silence again. Then, all three of them spoke at once. "It was--"

"Naruto's fault," came two voices against one "Sasuke's fault."

Sasuke sent an appreciative glance in Sakura's direction. She blushed and ducked her head again. Naruto growled.

When they looked ready to launch into one of their niterteam feuds, I stepped in. With a chidori in hand.

Sasuke's eyes widened at the speed with which I had the ball of energy in full-charge, ready to fire. I stared at them, and slowly, began to toss the chakra ball up and down in the air. Every time it landed on my skin, it sent a jolt of energy up my spine.

_Kill_, said a voice in my head. Usually, I ignored this voice. Ignored it so thoroughly and effectively that I didn't even know that I _had_ the voice some days. Sometimes, it was a thin whine. Sometimes, it was a booming and deep. Sometimes, it was a whisper. Either way, I thought, gripping the chakra ball a little harder. _Kill._

I was more than happy to oblige.

--

One hour, twenty-three minutes, forty-six seconds later, Sasuke was on his back, breathing in quick short breaths, Naruto was pressed against the car, clutching his leg to his chest, and Sakura was still on the tree where she had taken cover at the beginning of the fight.

Steady-minded, I told myself again. It was a good thing I didn't attack her.

I pulled out the latest edition of _Icha, Icha Paradise_ that Jiraiya had specifically mailed to me.

I made it through four pages before I heard Naruto say, a soft, soft whimper, "I need to pee."

--

I centered the car on the street again with a movement of my wrist and heard Naruto curse. "Kakashi-sensei, don't just _do_ that without telling us before! You almost ran over my--"

"Shut up, dead-last."

"He almost ran over my _foot_, you bastard. At least pretend you care."

"_Guys_, please don't start arguing again." Sakura's voice put an end to that line of topic. A few minutes later, I shifted the page again, pressing into the reclined driver's seat.

"Ah, Kakashi-sensei," Sakura's voice was hesitant and barely carried over the noise of the car tires moving on tar. "If the car works fine, why are we pushing it?"

"It builds character," I said, peeking out of the window. I shot a smile in her direction. "A good ninja must always know how to push a car."

Her smile dribbled into something of a scowl so I waved at her before going back to my book. The drive was slow, yes, but it was worth it.

I heard Naruto curse when he stumbled.

Oh, it was worth every single second of it.

--

When seven hours later, we saw the first exit to a town, Sasuke made his way next to the driver's seat. He pressed his palm against the curve of the car and continued to push. He was sweaty by now, but there was a determined set to his shoulders.

"Today's accident," he muttered under his breath, "Better not change...our plans."

I feigned shock. "Oh, but it _will_, Sasuke. Where do you think we'll get the money to fix this car? Surely, you didn't expect me to pay for it out of my own pocket!"

I heard him growl. "Kakashi--" Before he could finish his threat, I cut in.

"Oh, look, a road-side inn!" Without waiting for his response, I shouted, "Naruto, watch-out for your foot, I'm taking a left!"

I twisted the car's wheel sharply and watched as Sasuke jumped into the air, out of the way before landing on the other side, at the tail of the car. In the rear-view mirror, I saw that his frown had become something akin to a look of pure, deep hatred.

Maybe, I thought, feeling a little giddy at the idea, I had become Sasuke's new Itachi.

The thrill, oh the _thrill_ of having someone hate me with such passion. It was absolutely intoxicating.

When the three of them had pushed the car into a parking lot, I got out and stretched. "My, my," I said, ignoring them as they landed into loose, sweaty, and tired heaps on the curb. "I'm _tired._ Let's check in for the night."

I put a hand up to stop them from following immediately and pointed pleasantly at the trunk. "Really. You don't think that _I_ will bring in the luggage, do you?"

Their eyes narrowed, but one by one, they pulled out all the bags until the trunk was empty. Carefully--Naruto was limping slightly--, they followed me into the inn and waited a the desk as I rang the bell. A few minutes later, a buxom woman of fifty came out, her hair tied back with a bandanna. "Late travelers, eh?" She looked slightly irked at having been woken up at such a late hour, but went about getting our room ready.

"What will it be then?" She held her pen ready over her computer keyboard. "Four? Three? Two?"

I shook my head amiably. "One, please. And, if in the morning, you could have ready directions to a nearby car repair shop?"

I heard Sakura's whine. "Kakashi-sensei, I can't sleep in a room with...with..." She trailed off, blushing when I turned to her. Behind me, I heard the woman typing away.

"Of course you can, Sakura. I'll take the bed. You'll take the couch--" I turned to the woman, and asked, "There is a couch?" She nodded. "You'll take the couch," I continued, looking back at Sakura, "And the boys here," I indicated them, "Will take the floor."

"I'll send up a futon," the woman said, handing a key to me. "Enjoy your stay."

I took the key and motioned for everyone to follow, half-expecting Sakura to start complaining again. She did, but not for the reason I thought she would.

"How come you get the bed, Kakashi-sensei?"

"Because."

"Not fair," she said, huffing. I got into the elevator and watched as the rest of them did as well.

"Yes fair."

"Not fair," she said again, petulant, but shut up when I turned to smile at her.

When, after having gotten ready for bed--Naruto dove into the bathroom first and spent a good half-an-hour in there before he came out, wet, with a towel on, and a grin when Sakura shrieked and turned away--I caught Sasuke in a corner of the room. "I noticed your...curiosity," I began, "At Naruto's exit from the bathroom. For all our sake. Don't do anything _too_ risque, Sasuke."

"Kakashi-sensei," Sakura said, shifting in her couch, "Please, can you turn off the light now?"

"Of course, Sakura," I said, sitting down on the bed and watching as Sasuke's face twisted into something caught between uncontrollable desire and anger.

"I'll try," he bit out and padded his way over to the futon where Naruto already was. He carefully eased in at the other end of the futon, maintaining maximum distance between him and Naruto.

I turned off the light, returned Sakura's and Naruto's "Good night" before slipping under the covers, waiting, patiently, for what I _knew_ would happen.

It happened.

"Damnit, dead-last." A hiss.

"It's _cold_."

"You have the blanket, don't you?"

In a heated whisper, "It's not enough, Sasuke. Would it kill you to share some warmth here?"

"With you? _Yes_."

"What--"

"_Shh_."

"_Fine_. What are you trying to say, huh, Sasuke?"

"I'm _saying_--"

"_Shhh_!"

"I'm _saying_, dead-last, that I don't _want_ to be near you."

"It can't be _that_ bad."

"It is."

"I showered! I'm still wet, too! How can it be--"

"You shit head, _shh_."

"_How can it be bad?_." A sniff. "I even _smell_ good. Like soap."

Silence.

"You don't smell like soap."

"Yah. I do."

"No, you don't."

"Then what do I smell like?"

"This is so beneath me--"

"_What_ do I smell like?!"

A heaved sigh. Rustling of sheet. A tentative sniff. "Strawberries."

"The _soap_ was strawberry flavored, Sasuke."

"I thought you meant soap as in, you know, non-_smelly_ soap."

"Well, I didn't. And soap isn't _smelly._ It's _aromatic_."

Silence again. More rustling of sheets. "_Naruto_." A warning, a growl, more rustling. "I mean it."

"Shut up. I'm cold still. You're an ice-block yourself."

"Stop. It." A muffle. And then, "You're _draping_ yourself over me!"

"_Shh_. And I'm not draping. You're the one whose sitting here like a rod and not _moving_. How _else_ am I supposed to warm you?"

A burst of movement, a lot of rustling, and then, silence. "Now _you're_ on _me_."

"I don't like weights on my chest." I fought down a snigger. No doubt, he meant, I don't like being on the bottom.

"You think _I_ do?"

"Shut up, dead-last."

Silence. "I hate you, you stupid bastard."

Silence again, and finally. "Stop moving."

"I'm not moving, Sasuke."

"Yes, you were."

"Fine. Whatever."

Everything in the room stilled after that, and when I heard Naruto's breathing match with Sakura's, and finally--this surprised me--Sasuke's breathing as well (he snored a little; I made my mind to use that against him in the future), I turned over onto my side, let my eyes flutter close, and fell asleep.

--

"You were _attacking_ him," Sakura hissed, kunai in hand. Sasuke blinked lazily at her. Naruto got into a defensive position.

"_He_ was on top of _me_," Naruto countered. "Why am _I_ the one attacking _him_?"

I smiled behind the cover of my book. "I think," I said, shifting on the bed to make myself more comfortable, "Sakura means 'attack' in the sense of 'seduce.'"

Naruto huffed, and immediately retorted, "But _he_ was on top of me."

Silence. I snapped my book shut and smiled politely at Sasuke, who returned my stare. "_Exactly_, Naruto. _He_ was on top of _you._ Because _you_ seduced _him_."

Naruto took a moment to process what I said before he blushed full-force. "It wasn't--I was just--Nothing--" He trailed off and shot a glare at Sasuke. "We were just trying to warm each other up, that's all."

Sakura lunged at Naruto after that statement, and I saw the scuffle with mild interest. She was vicious, I decided, when defending what she thought was hers.

After waiting for an appropriate amount of time (actually, after I saw Naruto come dangerously close to the bed lamp), I broke them apart and ushered them downstairs for breakfast. Nobody talked for a long time, and Sakura watched, her eyes shifting from one emotion to the next, as Naruto and Sasuke ate side by side.

When Sasuke's eyes shifted to Naruto's bowl of cereal, there was a pause, and then, rolling his eyes, Naruto moved it closer to Sasuke, who took it without a word and dug in.

"It's entirely too homoerotic," Sakura said, watching Sasuke eat Naruto's cereal. She had a contemplative gleam in her eyes, one that made me put down my book slowly and Sasuke raise his head cautiously from his cereal.

"What is?" Naruto said, sipping at his coffee with a disinterested frown.

"Your relationship with Sasuke," Sakura said. "Too homoerotic."

Naruto scoffed, and raised his coffee for another sip. Sakura leaned forward, and grinned, a little wickedly (too wickedly, I thought). "Are you two sleeping with each other?"

The coffee came spurting out, and landed neatly on the cover of my book. I considered, momentarily, that I should retaliate at the act of vandalism, but thought against it when I saw the look on Sasuke's face.

Pure gold, it was, that look. _Pure_ gold.

"Oh, Sasuke's not _that_ lucky," I mumbled under my breath, but froze when Sakura's head whipped around to look at me.

Her grin grew wider. "_Oh_." That single syllable held so much knowledge, intuition, and perception that it made me well with pride. This girl here--no, I thought, _woman_--was my student. _She_ would be the one to whom I would pass the baton.

"Kakashi-sensei, do you want to go with me to get some more coffee?" Sakura asked sweetly, standing up.

"Of course, Sakura. I'd be delighted."

We left, and as we walked away, I glanced over my shoulder and saw that Naruto and Sasuke were still frozen in place. "I promised Sasuke," I said, at the counter, "To let him have a room to himself. With Naruto."

"_Oh_." She wasn't disappointed. If anything, she seemed slightly excited.

"It didn't happen, of course, what with the hole in the car, and all. We'll be staying here till it's fixed."

"_Oh_."

"What do you think," I said, after a while, "If we let Sasuke and Naruto stay here while we check out some of the car repair shops in town?"

"Must we _leave_?" Sakura said, looking up. She held her coffee with one hand and gestured at the boys with the other. "I mean, Kakashi-sensei," she paraphrased, "We can't just _miss_ this unfold, can we?"

I stared at her.

"It will be entertaining. Worth its time in _gold_ when we get back to Konoha."

I kept staring at her, my mind slowly moving at this information.

"Even better," she said, leaning against the counter of the coffee shop. "If we get some hard evidence..." She trailed off, and seeing that my interest had perked up, added, "Say, a video tape. Imagine some people in Konoha would pay for something like that."

The pride inside me welled up again. "You've matured, Sakura."

She grinned. "I've learned from the best, after all."

We shook hands a split-second after that, deciding that it would be best if we split it 60-40. I was the one with the information first, after all, so I got to reap a bit more of the rewards.

"It's a deal."

"Deal," I echoed and felt her fingers tighten around mine.

"What say you to a little car-roof and camera shopping, Kakashi-sensei?"

"No objections what so ever," I said. We turned to stare at the two boys--still frozen--at the table. "None."


	3. Part Three

A lot of you guys know that I'm never explicit. BUT, I do imply a lot of things, so this chapter does contain some material that you may not be comfortable with. Just, ya know, a heads up.

For the rest of y'all, do enjoy.

--

**Back seat Anecdotes**

_Part Three_

--

"You sure this will work?" I didn't look away from the two men slowly circling the car. Next to me, Sakura shifted on her perch in the trees. It had taken us a while, but finally, we managed to get a mere twenty-five feet away from the two of them without being noticed.

"I'm sure, Kakashi-sensei. I'm _sure_."

I wrinkled my nose and sat back against the tree. "If all goes according to plan..."

"I'm estimating profits from around two to three thousand. You?"

I had estimated much, much less. But then again, _I_ didn't know our customers as well as Sakura did. She had made a few calls when we left the hotel room, bickered with the person on the other line, and finally came out with a triumphant smile on her face. Apparently, Sasuke's fan-club was not too surprised or disappointed with this new information. In fact, they were willing to pay for it.

It didn't take us long to find the camera that Sakura had in mind, and then, together, we walked back to where Sasuke and Naruto were _supposed_ to be washing the car.

"It's one of the oldest tricks. It _can't_ go wrong. I mean, if Sasuke's lusting after Naruto like you said. And besides," Sakura had explained right before we went back to our seats at the breakfast table, "Car washing involves half the kinks out there in the world. No joke."

I had been surprised at the extent of her knowledge, to be sure, but was careful to conceal it. A few years ago, I made a note in my mind to not underestimate Sakura; now, it was paying off.

Naruto's and Sasuke's expressions had not changed an iota when I droned out orders for the day: Sasuke and Naruto would stay back and wash the car as further punishment, Sakura and I would go and look around for good mechanics and see if we could get in touch with Konoha for a transferral of more money for the trip.

Sakura shifted as well, and brought up the camera. "Here we go," she mumbled under her breath, and I saw her press the red button.

Sasuke and Naruto circled the car a few more times--how _long_, I wondered. Would one of them just roll up his sleeves and get to work?

The mike that Sakura had hid in the car crackled a few times and then, we heard noise. "Sasuke..."

"_What_?" Sasuke snapped.

In the distance, they both had paused on opposite sides of the car and were staring at each other over the roof.

Naruto flared up, and I saw him put his hands on his waist. "Geez! Can't you be civil with me for _once_ in your stupid life?"

"Fine." A pause. "What?" He asked again, quieter now.

"We shouldn't get all weird on each other," Naruto began. Sakura and I looked at each other with growing dread. "Just because Sakura thinks that we're sleeping with each other--" He cut himself off, and then a little under his breath commented, "Which, I guess we are. I mean, you were on top of me all last night. You snore, by the way."

"Shut up. You're making this worse."

"Well, anyways. I'm saying we shouldn't get all weird on each other. I'm sure plenty of guys have a close relationship like we--"

"Oh, spare me, please," Sasuke hissed out. I saw him take off his shirt in one vicious motion and move towards the buckets of water that had been placed around the car. The owner of the inn had stared a little strangely when I had made the request for water, soap, and a secluded area, but provided me with all three.

Naruto stood still and watched Sasuke move towards one of the buckets, pick it up and walk back towards him. Without any warning, Sasuke shoved the bucket into Naruto's hands and handed him soap. "Get to work. Kakashi will be back soon enough."

The other boy took the bucket with a low growl, put it down on the floor and began to undress as well, peeling off his hooded sweatshirt first. I leaned towards Sakura and whispered, "Zoom in on Sasuke's face now."

She did.

I glanced over her shoulder and smirked. Picture perfect, Sasuke was. He had his eyes honed in on Naruto with the same intensity as he might consider a new technique or an unfamiliar enemy. "That's kind of hot," Sakura muttered, holding the camera steady. I chuckled a little, deciding at that instant: _Sakura_ would be my prodigy.

A few minutes later, when Naruto turned around to face Sasuke with a scowl, Sasuke looked away and began soaping down the car. Naruto joined, and sighing, Sakura turned off the camera and sat back. "We'll have to wait," she said, wrinkling her nose with annoyance. "Until something happens."

"Fine by me," I muttered and pulled out a copy of _Icha, Icha Paradise_ that artfully concealed jutsu descriptions--Jiraiya had embedded them for me, saying he saw something very interesting and would like to see if I could mimic it for him. "There's a rule," I said, skimming the introductory paragraph that Jiraiya wrote with a few illustrations, "That says that I'm not allowed to exploit students."

"That's okay," Sakura brushed off. "Sasuke and Naruto are just too easy to exploit to say no. Is that--" She was looking over my shoulder before I could pull away and her eyes widened. "That isn't _porn_! That's Ninja techniques!" She grinned at me. "Wow, Kakashi-sensei. You're so much cooler now."

I shifted away from her, slightly annoyed that she had moved so quickly. But then again, we were a few centimeters away from each other. "I wasn't cool before?" I tried to sound hurt.

Sakura left me in peace for the next ten minutes, and by then, I had already gotten through the majority of Jiraiya's write-up. It was only when Sakura shifted, growled, and mumbled, "They're done" that I looked up.

And true to her word, they _were_ done. Cleaning the car, that is. Sasuke looked impassive as always, Naruto looked wet, the car looked clean, but they were done.

I jumped down onto the ground and heard Sakura follow a split-second later. I would have to teach her to be a little quieter, I thought, and tucked away my book. "Maybe," Sakura said, as we picked our way towards the main street and away from the car, "You should have asked them to _wax_ the car too."

--

"This isn't working," Sakura said, pacing. She was punching her fist into her palm at a regular interval. I stared at her, slightly impressed by her determination. "I just got a call from Konoha saying that we've got an entire _audience_ lined up. I mean, we're not talking two or three thousand anymore. We're talking _five_ or more thousand."

I whistled at that amount. My share of that was almost as good as a B-rank or short A-rank mission.

"Kakashi-sensei," Sakura whined, flopping into the seat across from me. She glared at the two boys who were lounging around the gift shop. We were three days into our vacation now. Had, in fact, gotten the car fixed and kept traveling towards our original destination.

Sakura had dragged me bodily towards a table a ways off from the gift shop with a scowl on her face. "Can't we do something drastic?"

I turned to watch Sasuke who had his hands in his pockets and watched as Naruto fumbled around a display of small key chains and postcards. He was indulging Naruto who insisted on getting souvenirs for friends back at home.

"Well," I began. "We could...Close the distance between them in the car."

Sakura considered and grinned. "Stay _right_ here, Kakashi-sensei." She shot to her feet and ran into the gift shop, past the two boys. A few minutes later, she came back with an oversize _pink_ pig and patted it fondly. The two boys followed, eyes wide at what she was carrying.

Smirking at me, Sakura put the pig down on the floor. It was almost life-size. A little bigger, even. "The Hokage would probably appreciate it," she said.

"But, Sakura," I said, innocent. "Where are we going to put it?"

"Oh, Kakashi-sensei," Sakura said. Her voice was sugared and entirely false in its pitch. But neither one of the boys noticed. "In the backseat, of course."

"How silly of me," I countered. "Where _else_ would we put it."

"But not in the middle," Sakura said. "It would block your view in the rear view mirror."

"How considerate of you, Sakura," I said, getting up. I smiled behind the mask. She was just _too_ good, sometimes, even for me. "We'll make Naruto sit in the middle, then."

"_What_? I'm not sitting next to him!" Naruto pointed angrily at Sasuke who looked away with a scowl on his face.

"Yes, you are, Naruto," Sakura said, ushering the two of them out of the building and towards the car. I picked up the pig and followed. Of all things...

When I reached the car, Sakura was already manhandling Sasuke into the backseat--he didn't protest much, I noticed with a smile--and then, Naruto, who, to his credit, put up a good fight. But Sakura won in the end (she was also vicious, I realized, when profit was involved), and I quickly shoved the pig in after Naruto before shutting the door.

I looked at Sakura, who looked back, and in that moment, I felt a certain bond strenghtening between us. Sakura grinned. "It's the romance of the pig, Kakashi-sensei. Together, we will _rule_ the world."

I smirked at her, and when she held up her hand for a high five, and I gave it while walking past her and towards my seat.

Sakura got in and buckled herself up a few seconds after I did. "What was that about?" Naruto muttered, leaning forward. He looked from me to Sakura and then back again.

"Sakura is a dear student of mine, Naruto," I said, putting the car in reverse.

"Yeah, Naruto."

Naruto grumbled but sat back into his seat. I looked over my shoulder to ease the car out of the parking lot and saw the pig's head, cheerful and a splash of pink, next to Naruto.

When we had hit the highway again, I checked in my rear view mirror and saw that Sasuke was looking pointedly out of the car. I glanced at Sakura, who taking my cue, slowly opened the dashboard and took out the camera. She placed it in her lap, covered it with her hitai-ate so that only the lens were looking out, reclined her seat for better angle, and dozed.

I suppressed a chuckle. Deception was also Sakura's forte, it seemed.

We drove in silence for a solid twenty minutes when Sasuke's hiss snapped my gaze away from the road momentarily to the rear view mirror. "_Naruto_."

Naruto was pressing into Sasuke. "It's creeping me out, Sasuke. I swear."

"It's a _pig_, damnit. You've seen worse."

"It's _huge_!"

"Well _you_ hang out with toads. I don't see how this is any--"

"Says the person who has snakes all over him."

"They're not all over me," Sasuke mumbled. I turned my head slightly and saw that Sakura, was, in fact, awake.

"Well, scooch."

"I'm _scooching_."

"Not enough!" I heard a thwap, and then, Naruto said again, "More!"

"You want me to get out of the car, dead-last?"

"You know what, Sasuke?" There was a challenge in his voice. I felt something akin to deja vu and pulled the car to the right most lane. We were only half an hour away from the hot baths. If they could just refrain from blowing up some part of the car before we go there...

"_What_?"

"You _look_ petite. But you're actually not. You're huge."

"I'm not the one who's petite. _You_ are."

"Am not."

"You're three inches shorter than me, Naruto. And a couple inches narrower."

A pause. "Oh. Really?"

"Yes."

"How do you know that?"

"Because"--a growl--"I have these things called _eyes_, which, unlike _some_ people, I _use_ on a regular basis."

"And you _stare_ at me, Sasuke."

"I do _not_--"

"Yes you do. I'm not stupid, you know. I happen to be a ninja."

"Well, you're a fool of a ninja, because I don't stare."

"Yes you do."

"Well, even if I _do_ stare--" A thwap, some scuffling. I looked in the mirror and saw that Sasuke was pushing Naruto bodily against the pig, looming, almost. Their belts had been undone sometime during the scuffle. "It's because _you_ draw unnecessary attention to yourself."

"At least you're _looking_," Naruto hissed back. He pressed back against the pig, and Sasuke placed a hand on Sakura's reclined seat to hold himself a few centimeters from Naruto's face. I hoped--no, prayed--that Sakura was getting all this on the camera.

"Don't take it as a compliment, dead-last," Sasuke hissed. I glanced over my shoulder and saw Naruto fist Sasuke's shirt in his hand and pull him down.

"Well, I _will_ take it as a compliment, bastard."

I took the exit--ten more minutes, I thought. _Please_ don't blow up the roof--and then a right onto a small, narrow road.

"Trust me, Naruto, you're not a pretty sight."

"Well, I've been told I am," Naruto retorted, pushing Sasuke away a little. It didn't work because Sasuke pushed back down.

"_Who_?" He hissed. I felt the temperature in the car drop a few degrees. So Sasuke was a little possessive, I told myself. Should warn other people of that in the future. _Possessive_.

"_People_," Naruto teased. "_Nice_ people who can hold a simple conversation without _ruining_ it."

"Who?" Sasuke demanded again. The temperature dropped again, and I shivered, taking a right through the large, traditional entrance gates. We were at the foot of a mountain. An old, old, old volcano, in fact. As we drove up the lane leading to the large mansion-like hotel, I saw the mountain loom over us.

"Well, for one thing, Gaara," Naruto listed off. I glanced in the mirror again and saw that he was counting on his fingers. "Neji. Once Temari. Oh, and Ino. Tenten, Tsunade, Jiraiya, once, let's see..."

With each name, there was a crackle of chakra in the air, and a chill. I took a deep breath, and then, before Naruto could go any further, put in, "We're here!"

Sakura shot up, awake, and fumbled with her hitai-ate. I turned around in my seat and saw Naruto and Sasuke straighten into their seats again, Sasuke with a murderous gaze.

When I met his gaze, he narrowed his eyes. It was the "I will _kill_ you" version.

I couldn't help but grin. When I passed Sasuke up the stairs to our rooms, I mumbled in his ear, low enough so that only he could hear me, "Better hurry up, Sasuke. Seems like you have competition."

--

"This is out of my league," Sakura said, putting the video camera in front of me with a click. "I can't get them to do _anything_. They just keep _bickering_."

I sighed. All right, then. Time for the master to step in. I pushed the camera back towards her. "Get this in the hot springs. The one that we used last night."

She shook her head, "I already trie--"

"Just do it, Sakura. Trust me."

She huffed, but left without another comment. I stretched and felt the muscles in my back strain. Slowly, I picked my way to Naruto's room and knocked once before I heard a sullen "come in."

"Naruto! What's wrong? You're not enjoying yourself?"

He sat down heavily on the bed. "I _hate_ him."

"I know you do. Now," I said, "To make it up to you, I reserved the hot spring just for you tonight."

He perked up. "Really? Not the entire team?"

"Nope. Just you."

He considered, and a little hesitantly, offered me a grin. "Thanks, Kakashi-sensei."

I held the door open long enough to say a "you're welcome" before closing it. True, I felt a little guilty, but heck, I thought, cracking my knuckles, there was _money_ involved.

--

"Just go in," I said, pushing Sasuke through the hall ways, "And enjoy. Just you."

Sasuke had been hesitant at first, but grudgingly accepted my offer of an empty hot spring room.

"Fine, then," he mumbled at the door that lead outside. He paused for a second before wrenching it open and closing it behind him. I stood back, dusting my hands. Perfect. Naruto was already in there--

I turned around to go back to my room when I saw Sakura hurrying towards me, camera in hand. "I'm so sorry!" She made vague motions with her hands. "I didn't get a chance all day and are they already in there..."

I growled. "Sakura--"

We both stared at the door. It was surprisingly quiet for the two of them, and finally, voices. Hushed, hurried voices. Hesitantly, we pressed our ears against the shoji screen door. More hurried voices, two different kinds--a tenor and a bass.

Splashing of water, and a surprised cry, a "Sasuke!" and then, the patter of footsteps.

I leaned back and away from the door, and Sakura followed. She looked down at the screen of her camera, that was already rolling and then up at me. We stared at each other for a few seconds before turning.

Sakura and I began to walk away from the door. "Maybe," I began, "It's a one-sided thing."

She considered. "Maybe. I have to call off all the arrangements being made in--"

She was cut off by a loud ripping sound. We turned around at the same time, Sakura's camera already coming up.

The screen door was ripped off and crashed with the corridor on the other side. A split-second later, Naruto and Sasuke came stumbling out. They were, I realized with a slight chuckle, eating each other's tongues. They fell back against the corridor wall, Naruto with his back pressed against the wood. Sasuke seemed intent on bulldozing him through the wall. Naruto had one hand buried deep in Sasuke's hair and was pulling him down towards him, clawing at Sasuke's back with the other. Sasuke's hands were half inside Naruto's bathrobe.

A loud, loud, loud moan from Naruto, and then, he whispered something in Sasuke's ear. The two of them fumbled open another door--this time, they refrained from _kicking_ it down--and disappeared in. The door slid shut, and then, more noise from inside.

Sakura and I stood still for a long time afterwards.

"Erm..." Sakura began. Then, "Guess it's _not_ a one-sided thing."

"Did you get that?"

Sakura looked at her camera screen. "Yeah. I think--"

Another loud moan, and then, steady thumping. That was, I realized, a bed against a wall.

I didn't know if I should move or not. On the one hand, there was a crowd forming already from all the noise. On the other, there was the fact that Sakura looked to be in deep shock. So maybe she wasn't prepared for something on _this_ level yet.

I should have warned her.

The thumping took on a steady rhythm. I heard loud, wanton, throaty moans coming from the room, in sync with the rhythm of the thumping. A woman who had come out of her room gasped, and covered her mouth with her hand. I waved amiably at her, and blushing, she disappeared quickly back inside her room.

More thumping--I moved to attend to Sakura, sincerely concerned now--more moaning, and then, the "yes"s began, a split-second before each snap of the bed against the wall. It was Naruto, almost screaming, but not quiet. More like moaning _really_ loudly.

I put my hand on Sakura's shoulder, and her eyes widened even more. I took my hand away. Maybe not.

I opened my mouth to say something, and then shut it close when _Sasuke_ joined in and began grunting out curses. I looked down the hallway and saw that more people had gathered.

Not good.

More grunting and cursing, more "yes"s and moaning, still more thumping that sped up to a faster more erratic rate, and then, a _loud_ crash, a _loud_ moan, and then silence.

I looked at Sakura again. She was still frozen. I looked at the other vacationers. Also frozen. I, it seemed, was the only one capable of functioning at any level at this point.

Sighing, I made my way to the room. Being their teacher and all, I realized, scowling at the door to the room (not _their_ room, just a room they stumbled into), it was my duty to make sure they hadn't _killed_ each other.

"You alive in there?"

Sasuke was the first to answer. "Oh, gods, _yes_."

Fairly expressive an answer for someone like him. "You, Naruto?"

"Yes." As an aftermath, "Sore."

I rolled my eyes. Of course. Knowing Sasuke's impatience, preparation was probably a far, alien concept. "You'll be fine in a day or two. What was that crash?"

"Erm..." Naruto trailed off.

"The bed broke," Sasuke answered.

"You're paying," I bit out. They would drill a hole in my pocket by the time this vacation was over.

"It was _Sasuke's_ fault," Naruto whined, but then, "_Fine_, we'll pay."

"Is the wall in one piece?" I asked, remembering that there might have been a crash at the end, but all that thumping--

From behind the door, I heard shuffling, and then, "Um..."

"No," Sasuke said, a little petulantly. "A crack. Big crack."

I threw up my hands. "_You're_--"

"We know. Paying."

I growled at the door. "Idiots," I muttered, and then raising my voice, "The people who actually _rented_ this room will be wanting it back soon. Get yourselves together and go down to talk to the manager."

"Right," Naruto responded.

"And Sasuke?"

"What?"

I gave a pause for dramatic effect, and then, "You _owe_ me."


	4. Part Four, Final

I promised that this would be a short story, so here is the final chapter. (My rule of thumb: Best crack is short crack.) I'm glad you folks liked it so far...Hope the last chapter meets your expectations.

--

**Back Seat Anecdotes**

_Part Four, Final_

--

When the next day, we got into the car, Sasuke and Naruto promising _never_ to return to the hot springs again under the manager's angry gaze, all was quiet.

Sakura began snoring five hours into the drive, and I braced myself for a long, long night, resting my elbow on the window's edge.

Behind me, I heard shuffling, and a muffled laugh.

"If you even _think_ about having sex in the car," I snapped, "I will shoot both of you."

Silence. And then, Sasuke muttered, "Damnit, Kakashi-sensei."

I pulled over to the emergency lane, grinning now. This was _perfect_, would, in fact, give us enough time to get our product out in the market without Sasuke and Naruto getting suspicious. "Get out, the both of you."

There was silence. Finally, Naruto asked, "_What_?"

"You'll be a hazard on missions," I said, turning around to face them, "If you can't keep your hands off of each other. It'll be an embarrassment if you went at it in Konoha. So." I waved at the woods on the side of the high way. "Go at it. In _there_"--I pointed at the cover that the trees provided. "You're ninja. You'll survive. Just make sure you satisfy _all_ your initial curiosity before coming back to Konoha. Am I understood?"

Naruto looked horrified, but Sasuke's face was contemplative. When Naruto turned to Sasuke and saw that expression, he began to protest. "Sasuke, _no_. I'm serious. I mean, I'd love to have sex with you and all, but not--not. I'll be so sore!"

"You'll heal," Sasuke mumbled, a little absent-mindedly. He considered his options before looking up. "What's our time-frame?"

"A few more days."

There was a moment's pause. "Deal," Sasuke said, getting out. He held the door open to Naruto who stared at him. "Let's go, Naruto."

Naruto shook his head slowly, but then, Sasuke reached in, hooked his arm around Naruto's waist, and _pulled_ him out. I heard the door shut, Naruto's angry protests, and then reaching down, I popped open the trunk.

I watched Sasuke pull out their bags from the rear-view mirror, still holding onto Naruto around the waist (Naruto was still trying to break away, but if he _really_ wanted to get back in the car, I thought with a smirk, he could have done that a _long_ time ago). Then, Sasuke closed the trunk and stood a few feet from the car.

I rolled down the window and leaned out casually. "Oh, and do be gentle, Sasuke. I want a functioning _three_ man team, please."

He smirked and raised his hand with a nod fo his head. I mimicked his movement, pulled up the window, and merged back into the traffic. When I looked back over my shoulder a second later, they were no where in sight.

--

"So," Sakura said, staring at the bag of money on the table. I glanced over at Ino and Asuma. "It's going to be a four-way split, obviously."

"Twelve grand," Asuma said, around his cigarette. "We outdid sales for the latest Icha Icha Paradise."

It was a _lot_ of money, we all knew. I sat back casually in my chair and watched Ino sip delicately at the tea. "Sixty-forty between me and Sakura was the original plan."

"You couldn't pull it off without us," Asuma said, taking a long drag from his cigarette. He blew out the smoke. "But I'll admit, most of the work was yours."

"Seventy-five-twenty-five between the two parties," I countered.

"Sixty-forty." Ino was quick to bargain, and Sakura was even quicker to defend.

"Seventy-thirty. Or no deal."

Silence, and finally, Asuma put out his cigarette in the ash tray. He raised his hand to get a waiter's attention, and nodded his head for the check. "Fine, then."

"I'll send the money over," Sakura said, pulling the bag towards her. "It was nice doing business with you."

"Likewise." Ino watched Asuma pay the bill, and then stood. Sakura was a split-second behind her. "Let's keep this between us," she said.

"Sounds good to me." I stood up, and then Asuma followed.

"Enjoy your evening. Asuma. Ladies."

--

"You _what_?" Naruto slammed his fist down on the table. Tsunade flinched and leaned forward to inspect the damage.

"Naruto, although justified in your anger, please remember that this table is an antique. It's from the First Hoka--"

"You _what_?" Naruto said again, this time, stomping his foot for emphasis.

"It's a matter of practicality," Sakura began, flipping her hair over her shoulder. "You two were going at it in public, therefore, it is public property. _I_ just made money out of what was naturally present in my surroundings."

"She has a point," Tsunade mumbled. Ino smirked, and Asuma took out a cigarette.

"And besides," Ino added, "It was nothing explicit. We weren't _that_ lucky."

I chuckled into my book and flipped a page. Ino kept up her explanation with almost a clinical touch to it. "Mostly bickering for comic relief, and the final ten minutes were sounds of you two going at each other."

"We edited the part where Kakashi talked to you guys," Sakura put in. "It was running too long otherwise."

"_Half_ an hour," Ino continued, "Of two of the most famous and most handsome ninjas in Konoha bickering with a _lot_ of sexual innuendo. It was a sell-out."

Naruto stared at the two of them, jaw slack. Sasuke had been impassive this entire time, but now, he stood. "I don't care," he began, "What you do."

"You _should_ care," Naruto snapped, rounding on Sasuke. "It was our _first_ time and it's on tape! A kazillion people _heard_ us!"

Sasuke shrugged. "I guess we'll get a copy for ourselves too, then."

When Naruto growled, Sasuke added, "For memory's sake."

"This is--this is--_Kakashi-sensei_!"

I snapped my book close and heaved a sigh. "Yes, Naruto?"

"I can't believe you'd do this to your own students!"

"It was part of the deal," I said, nodding in Sasuke's direction, "Between me and your Sasuke over there."

Naruto looked flabbergasted, and opened and closed his mouth a few times before. He stared at Sasuke for a few seconds, his eyes narrowed, before he turned on his heels and marched out of the room.

Sasuke's eyes flared into sharingan. "You _liar_."

"Not a liar, Sasuke," I chided. "I told the truth. Just not clearly enough or with enough detail to make him understand where our deal started and where it ended."

He bared his teeth, so I continued, "It's your job now to appease him."

That calmed him down long enough for him to change his eyes back from sharingan into a normal state. He stared at me for a second, and then, as a warning, threw a kunai at my feet. I watched it land neatly between two of my toes without moving an inch. He left a split-second later, a sharp click of the door signaling his exit.

Silence fell after that, and so, I took out my book again and began to read where I left off. I could probably execute the jutsu at this point...

"How are the sales?"

Sakura was the first to answer Tsunade. "Going up, still. We thought we should close it down after they came back, but...it's doing _really_ well."

"As Hokage," Tsunade began, standing up. I glanced over my book and watched her pace slowly around her table and come towards us. Ino shifted on her feet slightly. "It is my duty to protect my ninja. Their safety _and_ their integrity. I cannot allow you to continue this venture any further."

Ino groaned and sat back in her seat. I put away my book and stared at Tsunade until she caught my eye. We considered each other for a few minutes. Slowly, Tsunade turned her head to consider the pig that Sakura and I had presented her the day after we got back. It was a decoration unto itself, and took up an entire corner of the room in all it's pink glory.

Tsunade turned back to look at me again, and then, when I saw a flicker in her eye, I smirked.

"_But_," Tsunade said. Ino and Sakura perked up. "We _could_..." She trailed off.

Silence again, and slowly, Tsunade leaned back against her table, a thoughtful look in her eye. "How good are the sales, exactly?"

I answered this time. "Good, Hokage-sama. _Very_ good."

--

**End of Back Seat Anecdotes**


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